Can I be that girl?

Can I be that girl?

Since I was a young teenage girl I have envision a version of myself that I thought would be my best self. That vision has been alter over the years, but the idea of reaching that best self has not changed. 

I always think: I’ll be her when I lose weight, when I start speaking my mind, when I show the world what I’m made of. I guess I’ve always had the idea that my best self is in some near future that if I just get my shit together I will become her. 

But recently I’ve been questioning can I be that girl? The girl who speaks her mind, the one with the great body without too much effort, the one that is not afraid to eat, the one that boys like, the one that girls want to be friends with, the successful one. 

Sometimes I feel confident and I know that I can be that girl, sometimes is the oposite. I start questioning my value, in the end I have never been that girl right? She has always been a goal to reach. 

I was killing myself in a spinning class, in one of those confident moments, thinking I can be that girl I’m going to work really hard to be her, when it hit me. 

What if I can’t be that girl because I am the one that I am right now. What if the best version of myself is the one that is trying her best, that wants the best for her, that believes that she can be whatever she wants to be. I’m that girl right now, the best version of myself is the present one. The one that struggles, the one that falls but gets back up, the one that has felt unworthy but believes she can find her worth. I’m the work in progress girl, and that is the girl that I’m supposed to be right now. And you know what, I like it.