He talks to me when he wants to have sex. And I let him.
Do I even need to explain the title that I chose for this post? Yes there is a guy that I like, we are kind of friends, and he talks to me when he wants to have sex, and again I let him.
What is it about ourselves that we think that attention from a guy or anybody, no matter in what form is better than nothing? At least that is what goes in my mind, if I turn him down and he finds another girl, how do I justify my value?
Raise your hands if you’ve ever let someone like that in your life, if you’ve ever had those feelings. But is it worth the 30 minutes of attention on a Friday night, feeling like you are not worthy the other 6 days with 23 and a half hours?
I’m thinking no, but my actions say otherwise. I guess the answer here is grow some balls and learn to be by myself and find my worth in my self. Without needing the approval of anyone else. I’m starting to think that I deserve more than someone who half gives, don’t you? And you know who can truly give everything for you, for me? Myself, I can give me everything I need, I can give me all the validation and love that I know I deserve.
Harsh truth, is not going to be easy, it’s going to hurt, but at the end it doesn’t matter if he stops answering, if he does get another girl, or if we end up getting married (doubt it but still). How I feel about myself is what matters. What thoughts I let through, what actions I take for myself, that’s my growth and it has nothing to do with him. He is just part of my path.
And maybe his part is done, maybe he already gave me my lesson and a little satisfaction, if you know what I mean (emphasis in the little part). Maybe is time for me to be alone, with myself, create the love that I deserve and open up to whatever and whomever can match that.